The birth of Stephanie

I first noticed what I thought was a Braxton Hicks contraction around 5pm. It came and went as they had been doing for the last 20 weeks (I had Braxton Hicks really early!)
Then another one came not that long after. I noticed, but didn't think much of them. Braxton Hicks, for me, had felt like pre-labour for weeks and weeks. It came and went. I had convinced myself she was going to come at the same time as her older sisters - 40+2. I was 39+5.

We sat down to dinner as a family and it was so enjoyable - not always the case with two toddlers. I mentioned to Sam during dinner that I'd had a few contractions in the last half hour, but it was probably nothing. Dinner ended with a dance party which was so fun - I love watching the girls dance and sing with their dad.

Samuel did the bath and bedtime routine (which he had been doing most days). I kissed the girls goodnight and sat down to watch a Christmas movie. It was almost 10pm when the movie finished and I thought I'd better try to get some sleep incase this was the real deal.

I lay down and the contractions ramped up. I quickly realised that I wasn't getting any sleep lying down. I sat up again and they were still irregular but much less intense so I still wasn't convinced it was happening, but I decided I would pretend it was.

I mentioned to Sam that "we might be on". We decided to call my parents to come and sleep at ours... just in case. They arrived at about 10:30 and I was back in the TV room figuring out what last bits I might need in the "go-bag". The room was already set with Christmas lights and carols playing. I was excited that my favourite time of year was providing me with the atmosphere I wanted. Dad was ready for a good chat and suggested that if I was still up at 3am he'd love if I could text him the world cup scores. Sam hustled them off upstairs and it started to ramp up.

I had the TENS machine on (my god I love that thing!) We tried lots of other different positions and techniques, starting with the ones we had used for my previous labours. I have learnt to not have any expectations on which will work and which won't. It is hard for me to not overthink it and compare it to my previous labours, but I let the feeling (not my thought) be the decider of what was working. I hated sitting, which made me really nervous that I'd have to stand and I'd get really tired. Tanith, our doula (@mamaforte ), had loaned me her birth sling which Samuel set up. I was instructing him and giving lots of feedback between contractions whilst he was on a ladder in our play room. Hanging off the sling in standing was so good. I had another thought of getting tired so wanted to sit down again. I tried the other couch but it was no good. I hated sitting, lying and I didn't want to be touched either.

This made me a bit grumpy and I stormed off to the bathroom between contractions to wee. After emptying my bladder, the contractions had ramped up again. I was thankful we hadn't renovated the downstairs toilet and the safety rail to help the elderly get up was still there. I hung off the rail and realised that Sam hadn't come to find me because he was probably asleep. The contractions were too close together for me to have time to leave the bathroom. I felt safe with the rail, but also had moments of panic that I wasn't getting a break. I tried to not let the negative thoughts consume me and focused on breathing (with a few stomps and vocalisations too). I finally had a bit of a break between contractions and rushed back out to the sling. I decided I suddenly needed to get out of the bathroom. I was super proud of myself for making it there before the next one! I was also so proud that I had managed for quite a while on my own, but knew I wanted Sam back soon. I woke him up and he supported me through the next few contractions whilst I hung on the sling.

It was about 12:30 when I said I needed to head in soon. We called my midwife and I yelled down the phone "make sure you fill the bath up!" We called Tanith (@tanithfortebirthdoula) and Sam collected everything to leave. I started doubting myself when we called, thinking that it was too soon and I'd only really been in labour 2 hours so I was going in too early. The next contraction came and it was like a tsunami. I went up on my toes and clung to the sling. I really felt like I was losing control at that point. I knew it was a good thing, but I didn't want to completely let go whilst we were still at home. The wave finished and I said "nevermind! We need to go".

The car ride was awful. I had niggling urges to push and I convinced myself there was no way I was having a baby before we got there. I had tensed every muscle in my body and I think I was trying to slow labour down. It worked, but it wasn't pleasant. I had my eyes closed for the drive and I felt like I was yelling every wave. I remember peeking through one eye at a set of traffic lights and seeing a guy on a bike crossing the road, staring at us. Sam said later it's because he came to the lights too fast, but I think he was wondering what the commotion from the passenger seat was all about!

We got to the birth centre at 1:25am. Tan met me at the car and helped me navigate my way inside whilst Sam got the bag. The bath wasn't quite ready yet. I lent on the wall to get through the next waves, feeling the niggling urge to push get stronger and having to go on my toes each time. Tan reminded me to relax my body with soft touch on my shoulders. I think she whispered to me a few times but I have honestly no idea what she said. I blocked everyone out.

I remember thinking I was quite funny between contractions. I told Samuel that we weren't ever having any more kids, I joked that each bit was the worst bit. I think everyone giggled to humour me.

The bath was full. My midwife knew that I was keen to get in and everyone was a bit confused when I didn't rush straight there. I partly didn't comprehend that it was ready and partly knew that once I got in, that was it - no turning back.

I got in the bath and felt weightless. I announced to the room that this was "the best bit". Tan got me a flannel to rest my head on the side of the bath. As I settled in, my waters broke and I felt her drop. I yelled out that it was "too fast" and I needed it all the slow down. The contractions picked up again and I was begging for a break. I wanted a quick moment to relax my whole body and then continue. I started to feel a bit frantic and tried to control my breath. I looked at Sam and begged him to help me to which he replied "you've got this". I could feel her moving down and then the ring of fire. I reminded my midwife that this, infact, was the worst bit.

Then, suddenly, my brain went still. I stopped the chat and thinking and went completely quiet. I felt my body completely relax. I felt floaty, took a deep breath and slowly let it out. Her head was out. I announced it to the room that she was almost here and if they couldn't see, they hadn't known. I felt her turn and then what felt like the gentlest contraction of all and she was out. 29 minutes after arriving at the birth centre.

I picked her up out of the water. She was wearing her cord like a scarf, so my midwife helped untangle her. We had another girl! Sam had thought he saw boy bits and I watched him go through a wave of emotions processing the fact he was officially a girl dad.

*Please note that this birth story was written and shared with permission by Sam Ziegelaar*